What's With All the Worry?

Heather D. Nelson | 6/12/2013, 6:21 a.m.
As I sit and type this my kiddos are tucked away in bed after another busy Sunday. I will rise, ...

Now it’s worth mentioning that I come from a long and lustrous line of what my family calls, “worry warts” we fret and worry and stress and if there is nothing to worry about we pre-worry about things that MIGHT happen. It’s a skill people. I can worry when there is not really much to worry about and I can FIND things to stress over when I feel my plate it too empty. But to be truthful, my days of frivolity in this hobby are over as with children comes a heap of natural and legitimate worries to fill your mind. Are they growing enough, are they growing to fast? Are you feeding them properly, is their diet as organic as it should be? Are they developmentally on track or is there soft signs of some condition? Are they sick, are they happy? Do they play well with others, are they capable of independent entertainment? Am I a good mother…am I adequate…am I enough? Take any mother, of any number of children, on any given day of the week, and ask her what she is worried about and you will get a nice list. And lets face it, GOOGLE doesn’t do us any favors. Good ol’ Dr. Google can find just about anything you need to back up any fear you have be it rational or irrational. But we live in a scary world and raising babies is scary work at times. Add to that diabetes and well, I’m often a powder keg of anxiety.

Lets start with the big one….THE BIG ONE….my son could die.

Take a minute…take that in. My sweet 3 year old red headed ball of curiosity could die. Diabetes makes his sugar levels so unstable, and he’s prone to middle of the night lows. He wears an insulin pump that gives him a drip of insulin every hour of the day and night and should something internally happen with his body, and his sugar drops too low, and then the pump drips in the insulin, and we don’t catch it and he doesn’t wake up….he could die. It’s not sensational, or irrational or even exaggerated. At one point the JDRF (Juvenile Diabetic Research Fund) stated that 1 in 20 people with Type 1 Diabetes will die from low blood sugar crisis. This is a real, and relevant, and valid fear. Am I a good mother…am I adequate…am I enough? My husband and I spend a lot of time in team with our doctors to perfect the pump formulas for the middle of the night. My husband often leads the night shift on nights where his sugar is unstable and yes, at times, that means setting an alarm for every 2 hours and getting up and checking on him. There have been many nights my husband gets up every 2 hours to check our sons blood sugar, to adjust his levels, and then goes to work the next day and I take the day shift while caring for kids. WE HAVE THAT LIFE and we do it gladly so our son can be healthy and have HIS life. But the fear…the fear is there. Am I a good mother…am I adequate…am I enough?