Too Many Men Talking About Relationships; Not Enough Men In Relationships

Demez White | 8/20/2015, 6:37 p.m.
When I was younger I wrote that a date was picking a woman up, going at least two places and ...
Date Nights

Modern Day Stories of Courtships, Love and Dating

You can’t microwave a relationship. You can’t rush the dating process. Just because we have more apps and more websites doesn’t mean that the same rules that applied thirty years ago, don’t apply today. We live in a world with more options, more access but that doesn’t mean there’s more quality.

A lot of men will write about how to treat women. How to date, how to love and I respect their viewpoints. A lot of it is really good advice but I have one problem with it. Are they living it? I feel comfortable writing about dating and relationships because I live the words I write about. This wasn’t always the case so seeing the man I was compared to the man I am pretty cool actually. I want men to learn from my mistakes, not feel like I’m beating them over the head.

I’m hard on men because men are supposed to be leaders. We’re supposed to court and impress and show women how special they are. Somewhere down the line things started to become reversed. Men started feeling like it was women that needed to be impressive. It was women that needed to recognize a good thing when they saw it. I kid you not when I say I see 40 and 50 year old men that are still talking about dating like it’s a “chore.” I don’t want to spend this amount of money; I don’t want to be tied down right now.” “I’m a King that’s looking for a Queen.” If you really were a King you’d be building a Kingdom, not Instagramming selfies.

Don’t mistake what I’m saying. There’s no point in getting in a relationship before you’re mentally ready or in settling for someone you know you don’t really want. What I am saying though is that if you have a good thing; don’t leave the door open feeling like you’ll find something better. Don’t wait to treat her like she matters until you see how she treats you. In most cases once you show a woman that you’re legit, she’ll meet you and probably exceed you in how she treats you.

When I was younger I wrote that a date was picking a woman up, going at least two places and bringing her a small gift. The words of a young gentleman but foolish words none the less. A date is all about intentions. Women can be difficult, they can be moody but more than anything they see sincerity. Maybe you don’t have a hundred dollars so two can eat at Houston Restaurant Week but do you have twenty dollars? A cheap bottle of wine and a medium pizza, two wine glasses. That date can be anywhere from the top floor of a parking garage watching the rain fall to a park bench. There’s no standard when it comes to dating and being a good man, the only standard is being authentic and making her a priority.

I don’t have my life together. Not financially, not spiritually, not professionally. I’m still very much a work in progress but you know what I do have? A willingness to be a better man today than I was yesterday. A willingness to be faithful, to work hard at understanding my flaws and correcting them. Relationships aren’t easy, they aren’t givens but they are worth it.

Over the next couple months I’ll be coming to you once a week with an article about relationships, dating, courtships, crushes or just a love story that I’ve been told about. The foundation of any home is a man and a woman. Don’t deprive yourself of that.

For more stories by Demez White, visit www.demezw.com.