4 Reasons Being Nice Doesn’t Mean You Deserve Her Heart

Demez White | 9/16/2015, 11:43 p.m.
One- ‘I took her on a great date and she still won’t text me back. She doesn’t appreciate a good ...

Since Paris and Helen of Troy there has been the narrative of “She says she wants a good guy but won’t give me a chance.” Women like bad boys, women don’t recognize a good man, and women don’t know what they want. It goes on and on and the truth is, it’s pretty much lies guys tell themselves to feel better about rejection. Below are four reasons being nice just isn’t enough. It’s icing on the cake but being nice can never be the cake.

One- ‘I took her on a great date and she still won’t text me back. She doesn’t appreciate a good man.’ Too many men classify a good date as money spent or holding open a door. Women love great restaurants and men that have gentleman like qualities but don’t mistake being a guy that was raised right for being a man that’s interesting. I don’t care how much the wine cost, how much you know about pairings if you aren’t making her laugh. If you can’t take a conversation about life and get into her mind then you are just not that guy. Being a good man doesn’t mean you’re an interesting guy. It doesn’t mean there’s chemistry. She didn’t call you back because “free food” isn’t worth putting on makeup only to pretend to like your bad jokes.

Two- ‘She told me I was nothing like her ex so I don’t get why he got so many chances and I didn’t.’ It’s not that her ex got this infinite amount of chances to screw up, it’s that he wasn’t a punk. I know, I know, it’s not too politically correct to use the word punk in 2015 but it’s a pretty accurate word. Women don’t like pushover guys, I know it might seem cool to answer every phone call, return every text, drop everything at a moment’s notice to be there for her. Look, if it’s an emergency, you need to do that. But if it’s 8:00pm on a Tuesday night and you leave work early to get her Chipotle, you’re a pushover. She cancels a date to go draw a bad painting and drink wine with her sister; you can’t be on standby. Being on standby isn’t cool, it’s not sexy, and it’s not charming. Women like men that take control and sometimes that means saying no. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re “not nice,” it means you’re just a man.

Three- ‘You’d think a woman would respect a guy that doesn’t want to have sex too early. Just because I never made a move that means I’m not serious? Women don’t know what they want.’ If there is one thing I wish we stopped doing in 2015 that’s confusing intimacy and sensuality with being strictly sex. You can end a date with a kiss at the door and walk away. You can tell a woman she’s beautiful and smells delicious and you want her without sounding like that creepy old guy on Family Guy. It doesn’t make you a good guy or a nice guy because you’re afraid to rub the small of her back, kiss the back of her neck and turn around for a kiss against the car door. If you can’t read the vibes she’s giving you then you don’t deserve feeling her fingertips on the back of your neck right before she smiles and walks into her home. There’s dopeness in taking your time but being that sort of aggressive that lets her know you’re about this life.

Four- ‘I wish she stops being a hoe so I can love her.’ Do you actually know anyone she’s slept with? Does her accepting multiple dates from multiple men while she’s single make her a bad person? Because you like her a lot and she doesn’t feel the same way, she doesn’t appreciate good men and wants to be used? Don’t be this guy. Be willing to say, “I need to step my game up. I need to travel more, be more interesting, learn more things.” It’s okay to realize you lack some things and grow or just date women that don’t care that you aren’t interesting or funny or have that x factor.

For more stories by Demez White, visit www.demezw.com.