I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything and I apologize for that. I won’t go this long without writing again. This is the holiday season and what often happens during this time of year is that we start to compare and contrast. You look on Facebook and see the woman you had a fling with three years ago in the matching pajamas sitting in front of the Christmas tree and you wonder why your relationship isn’t like that?

It probably isn’t something you do on purpose, you didn’t even like the girl that much but in that moment you want that life and you compare it to yours. I’m going to give you some comprehensive advice on what you should do instead.

Don’t.

Don’t compare relationships you know nothing about to yours. It’s not smart and emotionally and mentally draining. You’re putting pressure on yourself and someone you care about because of a mirage. You see a happy couple on a picture in their perfect kitchen but you have no idea what’s lurking in those cabinets or behind those iPhone screens.

A really cool feeling is seeing the potential in someone. You meet them and they’re passionate and exciting and driven. That sparkle in their eyes tells you that they’ll run the world one day. That sparkle ignites a fire inside of you and you want to capture them and their heart. That spark is love, it’s desire, that spark can be beautiful but it can also be a beautiful nightmare if you don’t have more to go along with it.

When you see someone simply for potential, what happens when they don’t live up to that potential? It’s not a question we ask ourselves when we’re falling in love but we should. Looking at a woman or man that’s amazing and seeing this bright future can engulf you but the real question you have to ask yourself is, “Can I love them just the way they are if nothing changes?”

No matter how passionate or ambitious someone is, they can’t control fate. Careers get derailed, opportunities get lost, investments not returned. Now it’s been a couple of years and that sparkle in their eye is dimming. The love you have for them and not their potential is the difference between you helping them re-ignite the flame or dimming it even further.

There’s nothing more dangerous than falling in love with titles because titles change and we grow bored with titles. Fall in love with the person under the mask of success or passion or ambition.